


Cold Cold Man

by Sodalicious_Froggy



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dad Spy, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, engie and medic both have the communication skills of dirt, in that they're both nosy as fuck and at each others' expense a lot, not shown but talked about, scout and spy being scout and spy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sodalicious_Froggy/pseuds/Sodalicious_Froggy
Summary: But baby don't you go over analyzeNo need to theorizeI can put your doubts to rest...You're the only one worth seeingThe only place worth being.The only bed worth sleeping'sThe one right next to you.You're the only one worth seeingThe only place worth being.The only bed worth sleeping'sThe one right next to you.





	Cold Cold Man

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to [ @angeldesrests](https://angeldearests.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for being my beta this time around! longest thing i've written in a damn long while so i hope y'all like it!

Despite the movie he'd put on to relax after battle blaring on the TV, Scout stared at the two men in the other room with an incredulous, almost annoyed expression.

"Are they really still not talking to each other?" He grumbled softly, not really talking to anyone in particular. Spy lowered the book he was reading, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Non. It's very strange, they've never gone more than two days without talking to each other and yet right now they haven't even acknowledged each other for over a week," He commented, leaning over to see what Scout was looking at. 

Medic and Engie were both in the kitchen but they looked painfully uninterested in what they were doing- and each other. Medic was finishing up washing dishes as Engie started preparing food for everybody's lunch for the next day. They barely even looked in each others' directions as they passed by to either grab things or put them away. No plans for new weapons. No weird science talk. No random babble. Nothing.

Scout visibly winced as Spy looked back down at his book. 

"Jeez, Medic hates not being able to talk with Engie. Cowboy's the only one who can actually half understand all that medical jargon, I thought he woulda exploded by now."

"Mmm. Whatever they were arguing about this time, it must've been serious. Did you know Medic's actually been sleeping in his own room the entire week?"

"No."

"Oh yes. It's that bad."

"Christ."

"Je suis d'accord."

"Don't you know what they were arguing about?"

"For once, no. And yes, it is very much annoying me too."

"Wait. Seriously? Even you don't know??"

"I'll have you know that despite his impulsivity and ability to wake up people on the other side of the base just by existing, Medic is actually a very private man. The information I have on him right now was several times more difficult to acquire than the rest of you."

"What don't you ask hardhat?"

"Similar reasons. He's soft spoken but he's not a pushover, you of all people should know that mon fils."

"Ugghhhhhhh I know, I know, it's just bugging the hell outta me."

"Je sais ce que tu ressens. The tension between them has been insufferable to sit through." 

"What tension? What are y'all talkin' about?"

Scout froze upon hearing Engie's voice. His goggles were off (for once) and hanging around his neck, giving Scout a full view of the quizzical look he was staring him down with.

Before Scout could manage to bullshit an answer, Spy, without even looking up, said, "We were concerned about your love life." 

Engie colored slightly, an upset, yet sheepish expression forming as Scout shot him a Look. Spy merely turned the page.

"What? It's been long enough. Might as well let him know the concerns of the team."

"Concerns? What on earth are y'all concerned about?"

"Uhhhh maybe the fact that the two people who usually talk to each other nonstop and confess their love every other hour not even so much as looking each other in the eyes for a whole ass week is something to be concerned about."

Engie frowned, scratching the back of his head. 

"It-it's silly, y'all don't gotta worry about it."

"Too late, already worried. 'Sides, if it were really that silly you wouldn't be this upset about it."

"Scout-"

"Hey, c'mon, I know all you guys are older than me but I still consider you all really good friends of mine. And no really good friends of mine are gonna try and get through their problems without my interference." 

Engie stared at him before taking in a deep breath and letting out a long needed sigh. 

"Ok. Ok, alright, I- I guess I'll tell y'all. But the both of you better not tell anyone- and I mean that Spy. If anyone outside this room finds out I will find you and I will not hesitate smash a wrench into the back of your skull."

"C'est noté." 

Engie bit his bottom lip, taking a pause that seemed to put both Scout and Spy on edge.

"Alright, so. Lil' over a week ago I uh. I... I asked Medic if. If he'd want to marry me. And his immediate reaction, and I mean I'd barely even finished asking him reaction- was a very loud 'no.'"

He took another pause, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck as Scout's eyes widened.

"I was obviously kinda hurt so uh. I asked him why. And he kinda just. Tried avoiding me. And I got upset with him because I mean- I respect his decision, I just wanted to know why he was so adamant in his refusal. And he refused to answer so we uh. We ended up yelling at each other. A lot. And I said some awful things I didn't mean and he ended up hitting me in the face and uh. Things just. Got really quiet after that. And uh. Yeah... Yeah."

In all honesty, it looked like Engie was going to cry. Scout quickly stood up and put his arms around him, Spy abandoning his book and following after him to sympathetically pat Engie on the shoulder. 

"Gosh, thanks fellas," He chuckled softly, sniffling a little as he wiped away a few escaping tears.

"Do you need me to beat his ass for you? Because in all honesty Medic still scares the crap out of me sometimes but I can certainly try," Scout said, both hands gripping on to Engie's shoulder and the expression on his face dead serious. It was Engie's turn for his eyes widen. 

"Lord no, don't do that. We made up already, that's not what I'm worried about at all."

"Then what are you worried about?" Spy asked, having stepped aside already. 

"I just. Guess I'm still curious as to why he doesn't wanna marry me. Because after we made up I asked- He still loves me, and we're definitely not breaking up. But then he said he uh. Needed space. And he hasn't said anything else to me since then. Even moved most of his things outta my room when I was away." 

Scout let out a soft huff as he tried to come up with a solution. Spy absentmindedly took out his PDA and took out a cigarette, putting it in his mouth but not actually lighting it. 

"Have you tried getting someone else to ask him why?" Scout finally offered. 

"No. 'sides, I dunno if he'd actually say anything if somebody did. Medic's not that chatty about his personal life," Engie frowned as Spy nudged him in the ribs, mildly disappointed in him. Scout merely scowled and batted him away before bringing back his thinking face. 

"Maybe you could try asking again? I mean it's been a week, maybe he'd actually be willing to talk this time."

"Doubt it. Every time I've looked at him when it's just us, he either turns away and pretends to be busy or just straight up leaves." 

"Ughhhhhh, I'm all outta ideas then. Sorry Engie."

"Naw, it's alright Scout. I appreciate you trying," Engie said, flashing him a sad smile. 

"I gotta get going. Lunch ain't gonna make itself after all. Y'all enjoy the rest of your evenings though, hey?" 

With that, Engie waved goodbye to the two before disappearing back into the kitchen. Scout waited until he was out of earshot before letting out a sigh and kicking the ground dejectedly. 

"I wish Medic wasn't so damn stubborn," He said, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking out of the room and down the hall. Spy followed after him, book seemingly abandoned on the rec room coffee table. He'd get back to it later. At some point he'd also apparently lit his cigarette

"I mean seriously, I don't mean to sound like That Guy but he's kinda acting like a child y'know."

"Mmm."

"I know Engie said it wasn't a good idea but at this point I think I should try askin'. Maybe I'll get something out of him." 

"Most likely a syringe. Out of his gun. Into your skull."

"Oh shut up, it's not li- Spy, what in goddamn the hell are you doing?" 

Spy shushed him as he pressed his ear against the Med Bay door, where Medic had seemingly already retired. Scout looked at him, confused. Spy couldn't help but roll his eyes as he motioned for Scout to do the same thing. The latter shrugged, doing as he was told.

"-that simple, Archimedes."

"Coo."

"Yes, I know that, and I told you already, I apologized."

"Coo coo." 

"Yes, or course he knows I still love him."

"Coourgh?"

"'Why don't I just say yes?'"

"Coo."

"I've told you already, I don't want to get married."

"Oh please, don't ruffle your feathers at me like that."

"Coo coo."

"Because I just- I. I...."

"I don't know, ok? I just. Don't think he deserves that."

"Coo coo."

"I know we've been dating for 5 years ok, I'm pessimistic, not stupid." 

"Coo?"

"No I'm not going to break up with him, are you insane?"

"Says the one talking to a bird," Scout muttered softly, only for Spy to shush him once more.

"Coo. Coo coo?"

"...I guess I. I'm still waiting for this to end badly somehow. I don't think I ever told you but years ago, another man I was engaged with just so happened to be cheating on me for the whole 8 years we'd been together so if you could imagine, I'm still on edge."

"Cooourgh, coo?"

"...No, of course I don't think he would ever do that. Dell's a sweetheart."

"Coo?"

"I think the whole thing is. Is that I think he's going to get bored with me. Or stop liking me for whatever reason. Or just. Leave. Like most of my other partners have."

"Coourghh."

"I guess. Doesn't mean I'm not any less afraid and that the concept of marriage doesn't horrify me."

"Coo?"

"Because it just feels... Awkward at this point. Like I've left it out in the open for too long."

"Coo."

"How would you know that, you're a bird who eats human organs for a living who probably doesn't know the difference between an electrocardiography and an electroencephalography."

"COO."

"...You're right, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I love you Archie."

"Coo coo."

"Mmm. Now, anyways, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me- do you know where I left the lizard hearts?..."

With that, both Spy and Scout continued on their way, Spy giving Scout time to process the information they'd just received as he removed the cigarette from his mouth.

"Aight, so. I'm not a German used-to-be-a doctor who sold his soul to speak to birds or whatever, but what I've gathered from that was... Engie wants to get married but Medic doesn't wanna because he thinks that Engie's gonna stop wanting to be with him one day. So to avoid that he's just avoiding him to avoid talking about it all together. And also something about graphs and wizard smarts. That's the general gist of things, right?"

"...Roughly, yes."

"Ok. Ok, cool. So what are we supposed to do about this?"

"Rien."

"Nothing??"

"Well, you at least. I'm going to do what I do best."

"You mean being a sneaky French bastard who fucks people over by stabbing them in the back both figuratively and literally?"

"Tu parle à ta mère avec cette bouche?"

"Sorry."

"I know you aren't, but no matter. Besides, you have the subtlety of a jackrabbit in a china shop." 

"Wow thanks dad."

"You know I'm right."

"...Whatever. Just tell me how it goes, yeah?"

"But of course."

"Alright then, I'm gonna call ma, brush my teeth, and head to bed. I'll tell her you said hi."

"Merci, mon fils."

"Yeah, yeah. You should call her too sometime by the way, she misses you."

"Certainly. In the meantime," He paused to look at his watch, "I have other matters to attend to. Bonne nuit, Jeremy."

"G'night asshole. Sleep well when you do."

"Je vais le garder à l'esprit."

Scout let out a yawn before seeing himself out, stretching a bit as he walked in the direction of the hallway telephone. Spy, on the other hand, put his cigarette back in his mouth so he could take one last drag before dropping it on the floor and putting it with the ball of his foot. He then looked to his watch again, clicking the two buttons that would activate the built on cloaking device. Careful to make his steps as quiet as possible, Spy made his way back to the kitchen where Engie sat on the counter humming, occasionally stirring the contents of the large pot he'd put on the stove. After about a minute of leaning against the doorframe, he decided it was time to break the silence. 

"Engineer," He said, a smug look on his face as he casually pressed the buttons on his watch to uncloack himself. As a result, Engie panicked and let out a very loud 'Jesus Christ' at him while brandishing the wooden spoon in his hand like a weapon. It took him a second the realize he wasn't in danger but once he did, Engie sighed, slipping off the counter and going to get a paper towel to wipe up the soup that had dripped onto the floor.

"Spy, I hate you, you know that?"

"You've made the notion clear several times before, yes."

Engie very painfully resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he threw away the paper towel. 

"So, what brings you back so early? If you wanted soup, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait another hour or so."

"While I do actually enjoy your cooking, that's not the reason for my return, no."

"Alright then. What is?"

"You have to talk to Medic."

"God, Spy, what's this all ab-"

Spy held up his hand, Engie reluctantly closing his mouth. "Let me finish."

"..."

"He's doesn't want to get married because he's afraid that you'll get bored with him. Apparently he's had a pretty awful history with relationships."

"...oh gosh, I never even though about that. Wait a minute, how do you know all this?"

Spy paused as the mental image of a hyperactive man talking to a blood covered pigeon like it was another person came back to him.

"I have my ways." 

"...alright then."

"Seriously though, you two need to talk this out. I know Medic has the social skills of a rock and you get along better with machines than you do human beings but everyone can see that you love each other. Believe me when I say that you desperately need to have this conversation. No more avoiding it, for the sake of both your sanities." 

Engie stared at him before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You're right. I really hate to say it, but you're right."

"Or course I am, I wouldn't be saying it otherwise."

"Oh shut your pie hole baguette legs."

Spy couldn't help but break a smile at that, causing Engie let out a loud laugh.

"Christ, I'm so sorry, that was godawful."

"Don't worry about it, southern fried shorty."

"...ok that was pretty good actually, you get a pass this time."

Spy snorted.

"Merci. You should probably get back to your cooking, by the way. I've probably kept you from it long enough."

"Alright, alright, I will. I'll see you in the mornin' pardner."

"Au revoir mon ami."

Engie hesitated as the Frenchman turned to leave. 

"Oh, and uh. Spy?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you. I mean it."

"Think nothing of it. I'm doing the whole team a favor by helping you two idiots through your relationship problems."

"You shut your trap before I close it for you." 

"Bonne nuit Ingénieur."

Engie couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes this time as Spy exited the kitchen, fishing his PDA out of his pocket to get a new cigarette. He turned his attention back to the stove, throwing a bowl of noodles into the pot and giving it a stir.

-

"Hey, baguette legs is actually pretty funny! I might start using it now," Scout teased as he and Spy readied themselves for battle. They still had about half an hour until showtime and he was already raring to go, fidgeting with the athletic tape he'd put on no more than 10 minutes earlier. Spy merely shook his head.

"If you keep doing that it's going to peel off mid battle." 

"Never mind that, tell me what else happened!"

"Not much. He thanked me, I left. And now we have slightly over cooked vegetables in our chicken noodle soup." 

Scout let out a slightly annoyed sound as he smoothed out the tape for the dozenth time. 

"C'mon, nothing? Really?"

"Nothing. Really."

"Ugghhhhhhhhh."

"Oh hush. And stop messing with your tape unless you want your hands to be in pain after battle today."

Scout stuck his tongue out at him but did as he was told, not really liking the idea of Medic yelling at him for his mild incompetence. Again.

"Do you think they really talked stuff out though? I haven't seen em all morning."

Spy was about to shrug before he looked over Scout's shoulder. He smiled a bit.

"I think they're doing just fine."

Scout turned his head to see Medic and Engie casually holding hands, talking happily to each other as Engie messed around with something on his PDA.

Later on, Spy and Scout had separated, naturally. They had drastically different positions on the battle field after all. Scout ended up talking with Heavy and Demo in an attempt to come up with a better strategy than just running straight in. The last time that happened they all ended up getting blown to bits in literal seconds.

"So, are you all ready?" Medic asked, unnaturally cheery as he finished up putting on the last of his gear. Heavy nodded while Demo recounted their plan sufficiently on his own, much to Scout's relief. 

After all, that silver band on his ring finger was a pretty good distraction.


End file.
